Knowledge Center for Managers · Stage 03 of 05
Managing People as Individuals: Feedback, Aligned Expectations, Trust and Delegation
IN SHORT
Managing people as individuals is the work with a single employee: feedback, aligning expectations, 1:1 meetings, trust and delegation, empathy and challenging employees. In my experience, most of the failures here do not come from missing knowledge. Micromanagement is usually a fear response or the absence of a system, and avoiding feedback comes from seeing feedback as confrontation. When managerial identity is clear, you can define the what, let go of the how, and tell the truth in a way that builds trust.
Micromanagement: armor against fear
A manager who comments on every document and demands to approve every decision tells himself his standard is high and that without him the output would be mediocre. Reality even encouraged him to think so, because he is the one who got promoted. But micromanagement is not a standard. It is armor against the fear that if he lets go, people will say he is not right for the role.
This is how a low-trust circle forms: the more you fear looking naive, the more you supervise and the less trust you give. The result is a disconnected team and a manager left alone with the load. A manager I coached described exactly this, worn down between the CEO’s targets and a team that does not rally. He did not want to be a micromanager. He drifted there.
And there are cases where it is not fear at all. A new manager told me he had no choice but to micromanage, since he is measured on the output of several teams and dozens of projects. I asked what his management mechanisms were: is there a 1:1, weekly team meetings, and at which junctions does each manager report. There was silence. It was not anxiety-driven micromanagement. It was the absence of a system.
The tools: from control to influence
- Feedforward, after Marshall Goldsmith. Tell the employee explicitly that you want to improve at delegating authority, and ask which single action would help them take more responsibility. Then listen, say thank you and stay quiet, with no excuses.
- The what and the why, without the how. Define the goal and the reason, and agree in advance that the result will be 80% of what you aim for. That is good enough.
- A daily question. Did I do my best today to let others succeed without intervening?
- Visibility Grid. Match the reporting to the type of work. Ongoing tasks: high frequency and low detail, for example a weekly email in three points: what was done, what is stuck, and what I need from you. Autonomous work in a stable process: alerts on exceptions only. Strategic work: a deep review around quarterly milestones. And a critical high-risk project: both frequency and detail.
To go deeper, in my LinkedIn posts:
Autonomy without losing control
There is a familiar managerial paradox: you demand that employees take initiative, and at the same time you fall into micromanagement out of fear of failure. The result is learned helplessness. I met it, of all places, while binge-watching the series Bones. The two scientists on the team keep drifting into an academic debate unrelated to the mystery, and their manager does not stop them, and sometimes simply leaves the room. She understood that her authority is not meant to force a path.
The move is from problem solvers to guides. The manager of a 300-person group complained that his pile of tasks was growing while his subordinates’ pile was shrinking. I introduced him to the question “who’s got the monkey?”, from one of Harvard Business Review’s most popular articles. The monkey is ownership of the problem. Employees walk into a meeting with a monkey on their back and walk out without it. When you hand the monkey back to the employee, you empower them and protect the manager’s workload.
And there is no single method that fits everyone. A manager I coach described three completely different employees: one motivated but lacking knowledge, one with a lot of knowledge who does not close corners, and a third it is better not to start with. As in parenting, there is no single way for all the children. The Situational Leadership model of Hersey and Blanchard helps you see each employee where they are. Adapting differently to each employee is not discrimination.
To go deeper, in my LinkedIn posts:
Feedback: clear is kind
A manager I coach walked into a meeting and declared: “management is not for me.” Every professional correction felt to him like hurting the employee. But developing and empowering employees is a central part of the role. When managerial identity is defined and values are clear, staying in discomfort takes on meaning and becomes action in the name of values. Brené Brown put it best: clear is kind, unclear is unkind. Sweetening the truth to spare discomfort is neither fair nor kind.
The tool: steps for a hard feedback conversation that builds trust
- Change the position, physical and conceptual, so the problem sits in front of both of you and not between you.
- Arrive as a learner and not as a know-it-all. Open with curiosity: here is what I see, and here is the story I tell myself.
- Anchor the situation, describe only the behavior and not the person, and explain how you or others experienced it. For example: “I notice that you say,” and “I want to reflect to you.”
- Hold the employee accountable for results, while focusing on behavior and not on character.
One more rule: your employee should not be surprised at the annual review. If there are gaps, you highlight them in time and build a work plan in the ongoing 1:1 meetings. Some managers see 1:1 meetings as a time thief, and what they all share is that their meetings are not run in a structured way. For the employee, it is precious time of full attention.
To go deeper, in my LinkedIn posts:
Aligning expectations and communication that reduces anxiety
A manager complained that her employee’s output was mediocre, that he never met deadlines and that she had to fire him. I asked whether they had talked. She said yes: she handed him the task, asked if everything was clear and said she was there to help. I asked about the timeline, exactly which deliverables, what level of performance and how important the task is. The answer: “why do I need to explain such trivial things to him?”
Many managers do not align expectations, certainly not when handing over a task. And it is simple, easy and quick:
- What is the timeline?
- Exactly which deliverables?
- What level of performance is required?
- Why does the task matter?
The form of the message matters too. A manager told me every message from the CEO sends him into anxiety. It turned out the problem is the structure: “Hi,” then waiting for an answer, or “call me when you finish the meeting.” Instead of continuing to work, he spent the time anxious. The solution is simple, a Hi, Why, What structure: a greeting, a reason and an explicit request. It reduces anxiety, builds trust and streamlines work.
And the base of all this is active listening: listening not to answer or be clever, but to understand. It is a lifelong process.
To go deeper, in my LinkedIn posts:
Challenging employees: toxic, contrarian or a high performer
Not every employee who is hard to manage is a problem. A startup CEO wondered how to promote an employee who meets targets, spots opportunities and raises the bar in the team, yet everyone experiences her as direct, demanding and uncompromising. What he experienced as problematic was in practice a high performer.
Three tests: for you or against you
- Purpose or ego. Someone who is for you insists in order to advance what is right. Someone against you argues to prove they are the smartest person in the room.
- Consistency. Someone who is for you stays straight even when the price is high. Someone against you chooses when to be firm according to personal interest.
- Care for people. Someone who is for you is direct, but is also there in the hard moments. Someone against you promotes only what promotes them.
On the other hand, a toxic employee actively sabotages the team’s dynamics and sense of belonging. The data: in research by Will Felps and colleagues, groups in which the researcher planted an actor who behaved like a rotten apple performed 30% to 40% worse. Smoothing over toxic behavior in the name of results is a mistake. The toxic genius, for example, is a phenomenal performer who keeps knowledge to himself. The answer: change his KPIs so that evaluation is measured by the ability to develop others and share knowledge.
And before firing, two questions. Is this an employee problem or a management problem? And did the employee truly get a chance to succeed? There is also a question worth asking about yourself. Most toxic managers are toxic by accident: they shrug at a problem, roll their eyes at a half-baked idea, or rush to rescue. The intention is good, and the effect is limiting.
To go deeper, in my LinkedIn posts:
Managerial empathy, in routine and in emergencies
An employee’s difficulty is measured relative to their world, not yours. A friend from Kibbutz Nirim reminded me of this. I told her proudly that I let my daughter walk alone to the grocery store in the evening, what a hero I am for facing my fears. She suggested with a smile that I look for a moment at what she is dealing with. Managerial empathy is not a concession to the employee. It helps them build resilience.
- Don’t ask why it is hard for them. Ask what they need now: confidence, knowledge, backing or perspective.
- Before you correct or guide, ask how they experience the task and what is stressful about it.
- Encourage the intention and the effort, even when the task did not succeed.
In a crisis this becomes the main task. On a day of sirens, leadership is measured by support for every request or message from an employee. Pressure may produce action today, but it will cost you dearly in the long run. This fits Amy Edmondson’s work on psychological safety: in an uncertain environment, people need to know the manager is there for them at the human level. After October 7 I received at least ten presentations on management in a crisis, and none of them addressed the fact that the manager is in crisis too. So I narrowed it to three things: transparency, empathetic listening and empathetic support. And when returning to routine: clear is kind. Communicate simply the principles that guide you.
To go deeper, in my LinkedIn posts:
How this connects to the Identity-Aligned Leadership Cycle
In the Identity-Aligned Leadership Cycle I work with, this stage rests mainly on the behavior step: communication, decisions, boundaries and presence. With a single employee, managerial identity is tested in behavior: in feedback, in aligning expectations and in the decision of what to let go.
Frequently asked questions
How do you stop micromanaging?
Start by understanding where it comes from: fear that if you let go they will say you are not right for the role, or the absence of a reporting system. Then define the what and the why and let go of the how, build a reporting mechanism that fits the type of work, and ask the employee for one action that would help them take more responsibility.
How do you give hard feedback without hurting trust?
Put the problem in front of both of you and not between you, arrive with curiosity, describe behavior and not character, and explain how it was experienced. And don’t wait for the annual review: the employee should not be surprised.
How do you tell a toxic employee from a high performer?
Ask three questions: is he fighting for the goal or for his ego, is he consistent even when the price is high, and does he care about the people around him. A high performer demands that everyone improve, but also shares knowledge and supports.
What should a manager do for employees on a day of sirens?
One thing: be attentive to your employees and support, as far as possible, every request or decision they make, because each employee needs different things. Set aside time for personal conversations, ask what you need, and remember that a crisis is the time to build trust and not to demand functioning.
More on these topics:
Sources for the data
The tools and cases on this page are based on my LinkedIn posts, linked throughout the text. These are the sources for the data:
How do you translate this guide into everyday behavior in your organization?
Managers don’t change habits from reading an article, or from a one-time workshop – change happens in the practice between sessions. In the group program GROW (a cohort for new managers and middle managers) we work in closed groups over 16 weeks on delegation, setting boundaries and feedback conversations, with measurement at 30, 60 and 90 days.
For managers: Check your managerial gap with the 16-question diagnostic (Hebrew) →
For VPs of HR and L&D: Schedule an intro call and see the pilot outline →