Managing up is one of those phrases that sounds strategic and feels uncomfortable. For many managers, it conjures images of political maneuvering, impression management, or flattering people above you in the hierarchy. That discomfort is understandable \u2014 and it points to exactly the identity issue that makes managing up difficult.<\/p>\n
Managing up, properly understood, is not about managing perceptions. It is about building a working relationship with your manager that allows you to do your best work, deliver the outcomes you are accountable for, and develop as a leader. Done well, it is one of the most important professional skills a manager can develop.<\/p>\n
The managers who struggle most with managing up are usually not struggling with tactics. They know what they should do: be proactive, communicate clearly, deliver on commitments, bring solutions not just problems. The issue is not knowledge. The issue is identity.<\/p>\n
There are three identity patterns that most commonly undermine managing up:<\/p>\n
This pattern holds that if your work is good, you should not need to manage the relationship \u2014 your results should speak for themselves. This belief is understandable, and in an ideal world it would be correct. In practice, it produces managers who are excellent operators but invisible to senior leadership, who get passed over for advancement because they are unknown rather than unqualified, and who feel resentful when less effective colleagues who are more politically savvy receive better opportunities.<\/p>\n
The belief that managing up is beneath you is an identity defense, not a professional principle. It protects you from the vulnerability of asking for things, advocating for yourself, and being seen \u2014 all of which carry risk. But it does so at significant cost.<\/p>\n
The opposite of pattern 1 is equally problematic. The manager who is constantly seeking their manager’s approval \u2014 who checks in too frequently, who needs validation before acting, who structures their communication primarily to be seen favorably \u2014 is not managing up. They are managing anxiety. Their manager experiences this as high-maintenance behavior and questions whether this person can operate independently at a senior level.<\/p>\n
The most common source of managing up failure is simply not knowing what your manager actually needs from you. Many managers assume they know what their manager wants and operate on that assumption without ever checking it against reality. The result is effort spent on things that do not matter to the manager, and gaps in areas that do.<\/p>\n
Effective managing up starts with genuine curiosity about your manager’s context \u2014 what they are trying to accomplish, what pressures they are under, what keeps them up at night, and what they need from you to do their job well.<\/p>\n
Most managers have never explicitly asked their manager these questions. They infer answers from behavior, from meeting dynamics, from the way priorities are communicated. Inference is usually wrong in at least some important dimension.<\/p>\n
The highest-ROI conversation in managing up is a direct, candid discussion with your manager about mutual expectations. Specifically, ask:<\/p>\n
These questions signal maturity, self-awareness, and a genuine investment in the working relationship. They almost always produce information that changes how you operate. And they open the door to a more honest, productive relationship than the implicit, assumption-driven one that most manager-report pairs default to.<\/p>\n
The single most effective managing up practice is proactive communication \u2014 telling your manager what they need to know before they have to ask. This sounds simple. In practice, it requires judgment about what “what they need to know” actually means.<\/p>\n
Your manager should never be surprised by bad news you had access to. If a project is at risk, a client is unhappy, a deadline is in jeopardy, or a team member is struggling \u2014 your manager needs to know this before it escalates or before someone else tells them. Delivering bad news proactively, with your assessment and proposed response, is one of the most trust-building behaviors in the manager-report relationship.<\/p>\n
Periodically audit your decision-making against your manager’s preferences: which decisions have I been making independently that my manager probably wants visibility on? Which decisions am I escalating that I should be owning? Most managers either over-escalate (seeking approval for decisions they should own) or under-escalate (surprising their manager with decisions that have significant implications). The calibration conversation described above is the most direct way to fix both.<\/p>\n
When you bring a problem to your manager, bring at least one proposed solution alongside it. This is not about having all the answers. It is about demonstrating that you have done the analysis, thought through the implications, and formed a view. Your manager’s job is to help you think through the problem, not to solve problems you have not yet engaged with.<\/p>\n
This connects naturally to the GROW manager development framework<\/a>, where managing the employee-manager relationship is treated as a bidirectional skill. And it pairs with the effective 1-on-1 structure<\/a>, where the alignment layer explicitly addresses upward relationship management.<\/p>\n Not all managers are easy to manage up to. Some are inconsistent in their expectations. Some are conflict-avoidant and withhold feedback. Some are territorial about information or decisions. Some are simply not good at their jobs.<\/p>\n In these situations, managing up requires more deliberate strategy:<\/p>\n If the relationship is creating ongoing constraints on your development or your team’s performance, that is a career signal worth examining. The executive imposter syndrome framework<\/a> and authentic leadership practices<\/a> are useful starting points for making that assessment honestly.<\/p>\n Managing up means proactively building and maintaining the working relationship with your manager \u2014 understanding what they need, communicating what they need to know, aligning on expectations, and advocating for what you and your team need. It is a professional skill, not a political one.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n By focusing on mutual effectiveness rather than approval. Managing up sycophantically is about making yourself look good in the eyes of your manager. Managing up professionally is about making the working relationship function well \u2014 which produces better outcomes for both of you. The difference is visible in whether you share difficult information proactively (professional) or only share what will be received well (sycophantic).<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Surprise your manager with bad news. Escalate problems without bringing a proposed solution. Assume you know what your manager needs without asking. Over-communicate in ways that signal anxiety rather than information. Manage up only when things go wrong rather than as a regular practice.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Create documentation of decisions and agreements. Seek specific, low-stakes feedback rather than open-ended performance questions. Find the places where you can make the relationship work despite its limitations. And be honest with yourself about whether the relationship is creating a sustainable development context or whether it is structurally limiting your growth.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Developing managers who build strong working relationships at every level? Explore GROW<\/a> or schedule a call<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Managing up is one of those phrases that sounds strategic and feels uncomfortable. For many managers, it conjures images of political maneuvering, impression management, or flattering people above you in the hierarchy. That discomfort is understandable \u2014 and it points to exactly the identity issue that makes managing up difficult. Managing up, properly understood, is not about managing perceptions. It is about building a working relationship with your manager that allows you to do your best work, deliver the outcomes you are accountable for, and develop as a leader. Done well, it is one of the most important professional skills a manager can develop. Why Managing Up Is an Identity Challenge The managers who struggle most with managing up are usually not struggling with tactics. They know what they should do: be proactive, communicate clearly, deliver on commitments, bring solutions not just problems. The issue is not knowledge. The issue is identity. There are three identity patterns that most commonly undermine managing up: 1. The “I Should Not Have to Manage Up” Pattern This pattern holds that if your work is good, you should not need to manage the relationship \u2014 your results should speak for themselves. This belief is understandable, and in an ideal world it would be correct. In practice, it produces managers who are excellent operators but invisible to senior leadership, who get passed over for advancement because they are unknown rather than unqualified, and who feel resentful when less effective colleagues who are more politically savvy receive better opportunities. The belief that managing up is beneath you is an identity defense, not a professional principle. It protects you from the vulnerability of asking for things, advocating for yourself, and being seen \u2014 all of which carry risk. But it does so at significant cost. 2. The Approval-Seeking Pattern The opposite of pattern 1 is equally problematic. The manager who is constantly seeking their manager’s approval \u2014 who checks in too frequently, who needs validation before acting, who structures their communication primarily to be seen favorably \u2014 is not managing up. They are managing anxiety. Their manager experiences this as high-maintenance behavior and questions whether this person can operate independently at a senior level. 3. The Misaligned Expectations Pattern The most common source of managing up failure is simply not knowing what your manager actually needs from you. Many managers assume they know what their manager wants and operate on that assumption without ever checking it against reality. The result is effort spent on things that do not matter to the manager, and gaps in areas that do. Understanding Your Manager’s World Effective managing up starts with genuine curiosity about your manager’s context \u2014 what they are trying to accomplish, what pressures they are under, what keeps them up at night, and what they need from you to do their job well. Most managers have never explicitly asked their manager these questions. They infer answers from behavior, from meeting dynamics, from the way priorities are communicated. Inference is usually wrong in at least some important dimension. The highest-ROI conversation in managing up is a direct, candid discussion with your manager about mutual expectations. Specifically, ask: What are the two or three things you most need from me in this role that I may not be fully delivering? How do you prefer to receive updates \u2014 what frequency, what level of detail, in what format? What decisions do you want to be consulted on, and what do you want me to handle independently? Where do you see the biggest opportunity for me to grow or develop in the next six months? These questions signal maturity, self-awareness, and a genuine investment in the working relationship. They almost always produce information that changes how you operate. And they open the door to a more honest, productive relationship than the implicit, assumption-driven one that most manager-report pairs default to. The Proactive Communication System The single most effective managing up practice is proactive communication \u2014 telling your manager what they need to know before they have to ask. This sounds simple. In practice, it requires judgment about what “what they need to know” actually means. The No-Surprise Rule Your manager should never be surprised by bad news you had access to. If a project is at risk, a client is unhappy, a deadline is in jeopardy, or a team member is struggling \u2014 your manager needs to know this before it escalates or before someone else tells them. Delivering bad news proactively, with your assessment and proposed response, is one of the most trust-building behaviors in the manager-report relationship. The Decision Audit Periodically audit your decision-making against your manager’s preferences: which decisions have I been making independently that my manager probably wants visibility on? Which decisions am I escalating that I should be owning? Most managers either over-escalate (seeking approval for decisions they should own) or under-escalate (surprising their manager with decisions that have significant implications). The calibration conversation described above is the most direct way to fix both. The Solutions Discipline When you bring a problem to your manager, bring at least one proposed solution alongside it. This is not about having all the answers. It is about demonstrating that you have done the analysis, thought through the implications, and formed a view. Your manager’s job is to help you think through the problem, not to solve problems you have not yet engaged with. This connects naturally to the GROW manager development framework, where managing the employee-manager relationship is treated as a bidirectional skill. And it pairs with the effective 1-on-1 structure, where the alignment layer explicitly addresses upward relationship management. Managing Up When the Relationship Is Difficult Not all managers are easy to manage up to. Some are inconsistent in their expectations. Some are conflict-avoidant and withhold feedback. Some are territorial about information or decisions. Some are simply not good at their jobs. In these situations, managing up requires more deliberate strategy: Inconsistent managers: Create documentation of decisions, direction, […]","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6259,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[62],"tags":[67,72],"class_list":["post-6258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-manager-development","tag-identity-gap","tag-managing-up"],"yoast_head":"\nManaging Up When the Relationship Is Difficult<\/h2>\n
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Key Takeaways<\/h3>\n
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Frequently Asked Questions<\/h2>\n
What does managing up mean in leadership?<\/h3>\n
How do you manage up without being sycophantic?<\/h3>\n
What should you never do when managing up?<\/h3>\n
How do you manage up to a difficult manager?<\/h3>\n